When Times Get Tough...

This has been a little while coming, but things have been so crazy here that I have not mentally been together enough to sit and write out what has been generally going on.  I wanted to make sure I put out some information since I have a minute now.  Thank you every one for your prayers and offers of help.

All in all, our family is doing well, but we are in the midst of the biggest trial we have yet to face as a family.  About 2 months ago, our fourth child, first and only son thus far, who just turned 2 the end of May, began to show noticeable signs that something was not quite right in his body.  I noticed his hands would shake when he would hold out his arms to be picked up.  When I first noticed it I thought it strange, but then just kind of blew it off and did not think much of it.  Then I noticed he would shake when in the shopping cart, like he was cold or something.  I would ask if he was cold but he was not.  Then he began to shake while sitting in his high chair, and then when standing.   

I noticed he began to have issues walking and even when standing would continue to shake about slightly, but enough that he would reach out to hold onto something to steady himself.  The fay after I noticed this instability while standing, he almost fell right down the stairs when he ran over to the gate while goofing off but missed the rail.  Thank God I was standing right there and caught him.  That evening when hubby got home from work I told him that I was concerned about Zack, and when Zack woke up from his nap he saw that he had deteriorated even further since church the day before, so we headed to the ER (this is about 7-10 days after I first noticed the symptoms).  We were admitted in the hospital through Friday, during which time they did a series of tests, ruling out brain tumors, and one test for Lyme's disease.  During the stay in the hospital, his symptoms progressed even further, going from having a very staggered walk to not being able to walk at all, and then started a new symptom with his eyes being unable to focus very well and shifting all over the place.  By the end of the week (about 2 weeks from the time when his symptoms began) he was diagnosed as having post-infectious cerebellitis, which is a self-limiting illness that typically begins to get better from 1-4 weeks.  This diagnosis was actually very benign, so we left the hospital hopeful that any day we would begin to see an improvement in our son, but that is not what has happened. 

We've been discharged for about 7 weeks now, and Zack is no better, so we are seeking a second opinion.  We will be re-entering the medical community to seek out an MRI for his head and thoracic cavity, because we believe that he is suffering from something called Opsoclonus Myoclonus Syndrome (find more information here).  His information is right in line with this (less than 2 years old, presents quickly, follows flu-like symptoms...he had a cough for over a month, but never any fever or really much else) so we are seeking out testing to rule out or confirm a neuroblastoma (which is highly common in such a situation), or any other tumors in his body.  If this is ruled out, we will move onto Lyme's disease and the strains of bacteria and their mutations that can cause it.  We desire prayers for being guided to the right doctors to help us properly diagnose what is going on, protection from any negative butting of heads between us and the conventional medicine community, and respect from the medical staff for our parental rights to make medical decisions for treatment of our son, whether it be to seek out alternative care or pursue conventional treatments.  Then there is also the financial burden, as we have had to pay out of pocket for some of this, but especially his homeopathic treatment.  Any other care we pursue that it outside of insurance provision will also be out of pocket.

We know this is going to be a journey for our family and we are prepared for a season of testing.  In all of this we know that we are being refined.  The scripture I have been given over and over is James 1:2-4, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  I have been finding relation to Job from the Bible throughout this time, and am determined to continue to give praise and glory to our good Father in Heaven, who loves unabashedly and mourns with us when we suffer trials in this life.  But, we rest secure in the promise of Jeremiah 29:11-13, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."  Well, we are seeking our Lord =0)  There are beautiful things that have already begun to emerge out of this miry pit.  Hubby's grandma has come to stay with us for some time to help out.  The girls are really stepping into their roles as helpers and servants of the Lord in this family.  I have absolutely relaxed on expectations in the household and on myself, and we have been repeatedly blessed by the help offered to us by others.  Asking for help is just one area where I previously was not comfortable, but am truly seeing the blessing of reaching out in such times of distress and need.   

In addition, enjoying the simple pleasures and joys of life comes easily for me now.  Things that previously would have likely been overlooked amongst the million other things on my plate are now being enjoyed and cherished (a laugh here, a smile or tickle there, a cuddle and hug, etc.)  There is nothing as refreshing as a renewed perspective on the significant blessings that God has allowed into our lives.  I am beyond thankful for everything we have.  Even seeing where my son is right now, I can rejoice in God's love because I am still so blessed.  I still have my son, I still get to hear him laugh, I still get to see his smile.  Life could be so much worse.  We have a potentially long road ahead of us, but God is Sovereign and continues to make Himself manifest.  Your prayers are more than desired and any practical way you feel you could help, we would absolutely appreciate it.  I will be posting on this, and the loads of other things God has been teaching me since before this latest season, so I hope you will stay connected on here.  The more readers I can get on here, the better my chances of turning it into something of a financial blessing for our family too.  Thanks again and as always, please feel free to share comments, thoughts, and encouragements below!  God bless!

The Wisdom of Seeking Guidance (especially from your husband)

For many homeschooling families, the wife/mother assumes majority of the workload that is put into the schooling of the children.  Husbands very often do take on a few subjects or particular children, but their role is not as the primary educator of the children, or facilitator of their learning (as they get older).  I have read of a myriad of ways that husbands participate in the homeschooling of the family, but one of the most significant helps a husband can offer for the wife is an outsider's perspective and the value of his headship and leadership within the family.  Let's face it, homeschooling is not the easiest of tasks, and though the difficulties of it manifest differently for everyone, there is some struggle going on within most homeschooling moms at any given moment: "Johnny really needs to do his math, but we are running so behind I don't know how we can get to it!...The floor needs to be swept but the baby is crying and needs a diaper change...I really need to spend some one-on-one time with Jill, but I just don't know how or when we can do that without so many distractions and interruptions!"

At least, this was where I was just the other day.  Feeling overwhelmed, incapable, failing at everything, and exhausted.  Things just felt scattered, chaotic, and frantic, rather than the scheduled, predictable, joyful, and pleasant atmosphere I yearned for our house to exude.  The kids too were feeling the disorganization and acting out because of it.  In our family, the more predictable and expected the order of the day/week is, the better tempers we have.

See, majority of the home schoolers I know, myself included, go through seasons where a feeling of inadequacy is experienced, often due to the expectation of needing to do more than is truly needed.  This is the homeschooling version of "keeping up with the Jones'".  We see, hear of, or read about homeschooling families that do a million things and we imagine them doing it all perfectly and without any tension, ever; violin lessons, speak 3 languages, Chess tournaments, kids able to scrub the house top to bottom with perfection, etc.  The reality is that every family has victories and struggles, difficulties at one point or another with messy children, and must go through various trials while doing life together.  The operative word here, though, is TOGETHER.

Segue to the point of this message (did you know it's not spelled segway?  I didn't, lol).  In a marriage relationship, two people are joined together to become one, and in this holy union life is meant to be done together.  All the struggles, joys, thrills, chills, trials, and victories are meant to be experienced alongside of each other, while knowing that there will be times when leaning on the other person for stability and strength will be necessary to get through a particular season.  There is nothing shameful or weak about this!  It is the reason God provided the Body of Christ (i.e. the Church).  For one thing, each of us are blessed with particular gifts and talents that balance out and fill in the gaps of others around us.  In our marriage, Mark is the administrative one.  Administration comes dead bottom for me in my giftings.  But, my weakness cannot be balanced by his strength if I do not seek out his insight and help when needed.  Sadly, he is not a mind-reader!  In addition, though, God designed the family to run in another organized and orderly fashion, with one head, not as an ugly two-headed dragon.  The family is another earthly example of the relationship of Christ and His Bride, the Church (see Ephesians 5:22-32).  In the same way it is foolish for me to go about my life, struggling as I may be, without ever seeking the wisdom and perspective of Christ, it is equally as foolish for me to do the same without seeking the wisdom and perspective of my husband.  Ouch!

So, God has seen fit to bring me to just this point.  He has seen fit to humble me, putting so much on my plate that there is just no way I can wisely do everything while maintaining a Christ-like attitude and my overall health.  He has pushed me to my breaking point...the point where I must (gulp) ask for help.  DOUBLE GULP!  Maybe I am the only person who struggles with this, but God has been pruning me to know when it is wise for me to pull up my bootstraps and get to work, and when I really do need help to get it all done.  For a little while now, I have known this is where I am.

My husband and I had a sit down last night and ironed out solutions for some of the most immediate things that are on my plate and needing attention (i.e. home school), and I was so, so blessed by his insights and wisdom!  He brought to the table solutions that I was too close and too swamped to see, and helped to eliminate things from the list that just do not need to be happening right now.  I feel like an elephant has been lifted off of my back!  The value of his perspective just cannot be overstated.  Wives, be sure to seek out your husband's advice for things pertaining to your home schooling and overall flow of your household.  He is the head and God has ordained him with insight that cannot be explained in this world.

I know that there will be some ladies who read this and do not believe that their husbands are interested in participating in the home schooling endeavor.  A sure way to keep it that way is to keep him at an arms' length from it!  The more he feels invited and welcome into home schooling, the more he will become involved (most likely gradually, so be patient).  Others may not trust that their husbands will offer sound advice, or wisdom.  This may be true, but it does not remove the importance of inviting him into the schooling.  It does, though, stress the importance of your relationship with the Lord to be able to discern what is Truth and what are lies.  Dismiss that which is a lie, or harmful, and embrace every bit of wisdom and Truth that exits his mouth!  We must be wise enough to listen to and trust the leadings of our husbands, trusting wholeheartedly that the Lord is in control, no matter what.  Even if your husband is not a follower of Christ (yet) you are called to submit to him, as one submitting to Christ, because ultimately Christ is in the driver's seat.  Always remember, "The Lord watches over the ways of the righteous" (Psalm 1:6).  If all else in this earth fails, Christ is still leading you in the ways of righteousness...you just may be too close to see His perspective yet.  Be patient.  Solutions will come, whether from your husband or not.  His timing is always best.

As a Christian, my life is first and foremost meant to bring glory and honor to God.  If I am too caught up in dealing with the things of this life to fulfill this calling, then something needs to change. And, more often than not, that change will begin with me.

Sunday Morning Madness

"All I wanted to do was enjoy a lovely sit-down breakfast with my family!  Why is this so difficult?"  Have these words ever crossed your mind in the morning?  I have been trying painstakingly to get into the pattern of making a nice Sunday morning breakfast for our family.  I have this vision of pancakes and eggs, orange juice, and fruit, all of us sitting down with smiles on our faces and laughing as we eat.  But, this just does not ever seem to be the picture that actually happens.  Usually, things are rushed, hair is not brushed, clothes are on backwards, the morning chores are half done, etc, etc, etc.  Although I could write this post about my conviction to be better at keeping things more orderly, or how it is so important to be diligent about time management, which are definitely true and important things, today this post is about the seasons of life.

I had a revelation this past Sunday about this very thing.  To put it bluntly, I am not in the season of in depth meals, gourmet anything, or meals that require excess attention.  More importantly, I have a very specific and special season that I am in right now, and it requires my full attention and energy.  I am in the season of the Littles.  "Littles?" you may ask.  Yes, Littles.  The season of the Littles is when children are still in a specific season of training, discipleship, and discipline that requires a LOT of hands on parenting in preparation for seasons to come.  It is a very hands on season, so when my attention is elsewhere, such as on making breakfast, it is easy for tempers to get flared and trouble to develop, because I cannot split myself in two and help gently guide while ensuring the meal gets made.  This intention to present a wonderful sit down Sunday breakfast has left us late for church on more occasion than one, and has strangled our family peace too greatly.  Something had to give!

Naturally, God was ready to help rectify the situation.  He spoke to my and my husband's hearts on this issue, clarifying that the breakfast beauty was just not meant to be; not because it is inherently sinful to make a lovely Sunday morning breakfast, but because it was distracting from the peace of the morning and hurting our overall intentions of getting to church on time (or preferably EARLY, gasp!)  Ultimately, this breakfast vision was becoming an idol, and that idol had to be torn down!

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that it is not okay to have a nice sit down family breakfast.  There is, of course, absolutely nothing wrong with making a nice meal, enjoying it, etc.  The problem comes in when frustration, short tempers, and stress come about because of everything bending around this vision of things looking a certain way, or going a certain way.  If the breakfast meal is causing more issues than it is helping, than it needs to go and something more simple needs to be figured out until a better time at a later date.

The more important focus of the morning should be for us to enjoy life and togetherness as we give glory to God who provided the day of rest (hasn't been very restful with stress first thing in the day!) A healthy meal of oatmeal or cereal with smiles, excellent time management and big picture goals being met is far more important and valuable than eating a lavish meal while everything else goes to pot!  "Better a dry crust with peace and quiet, than a house full of feasting with strife" (Proverbs 17:1).  The funny thing is, I know exactly where this intention of the "hot meal" came from.  Several years ago a good friend encouraged me to make a hot breakfast for my kids in the morning because a friend of hers had exemplified this to her.  It sure sounded good!  "My kids will really feel loved and special, and doing so will absolutely show to them my extreme love and adoration I have for them!"  At the time I was content to ensure that the kids received a breakfast of cereal or oatmeal with juice or a piece of fruit without much thought.  But, once that idea was in my head, it was hard to shake!  This is something that we must always guard against in our media-infused culture, because the Martha Stewarts and awesome homemaking blogs will present a lot of information, often GREAT, which can easily get twisted into a sinful application if we are not careful to discern its proper use in our lives.  For a time I was good about this and did not fret over my children eating a cold breakfast, but eventually that same lie came back to me, rooted in, and up came the first fruits of its growth.  Thankfully, though, God was ready for the pruning!

In my season with the Littles, though, a lavish breakfast is more trouble than it is worth, as much as I enjoy blessing my family in this way.  The truth is, though, that we are not yet in the season when breakfasts like this will be served, because it is low on the priority list compared to the other character traits we are working to instill into our children (such as diligence, efficiency, and time management in their morning chores).  In this season, cereal, oatmeal, toast with peanut butter, etc. is just fine for the majority of days to allow for the training which will prepare and allow for the season of lavish breakfasts and meals to come.  This is the vision for our family!  There will come a day where my children will have been trained sufficiently in doing their chores that I will not have to be alongside of them in the mornings. There will come a day when my children will have been trained in the kitchen to make a great meal without me having to be in there with them.  Today is just not that day; and in this truth, I have great peace, because the cold breakfasts and quick fix meals of today are giving way to the more enjoyable and valuable fruits of tomorrow.  "Let us not grow tired in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up" (Galatians 6:9).  Now, that is a promise worth believing!

Nanny 911: Lesson of the Day

Today my kids watched tv for school...yes, tv.  Okay, well it may have been Roku, and it may have been Nanny 911, but we certainly had a lesson to learn and this show really provided an awesome opportunity to show it!

I don't know if you have seen Nanny 911, but it is a show about households, often with several children, which are utterly and completely out of control because the parents are usually not training their children in proper behavior and enabling them to follow through with the training.  The children, sadly, run a muck and usually are pretty sad and upset.  This show was a golden opportunity to teach a lesson to our children.

We have a few children who think life would be oh so grand if Mommy and Daddy would just let them have their way all the time.  No's are apparently the most evil word in all the universe, and it is not uncommon for pouts, attitudes, and potential tantrums to ensue because of it.  But, I know that these same children also want to have a loving home, live a life of dedication to God, and please God, Daddy, and Mommy.  Obviously, some confusion is going on regarding the double-mindedness in this thought process.

I had all the girls come sit with me while we watched an episode of Nanny 911.  They were wide-eyed in amazement with the way the children behaved!  Thankfully, the kids and I read the bible regularly, so Proverbs is a well-known book in the Bible.  Due to these lessons, I was able to point out to them how these children were left to themselves and the result was chaos.  Proverbs 29:15 was really the one brought to mind: "To discipline a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child."  I asked the kids if this show looked like the kind of life and family time that they wanted.  Of course, they said no.  I pointed out how disheveled and sad the mommies and the daddies were, as well as the kids.  Chaos and disorganization make no one happy.  They nodded in agreement.

This show was a great opportunity to show the kids just what life looks like when kids run the show. It was not all the glamour and glitz that they were expecting, clearly.  But, God's Word still stands true.  As a mom, it is so critical for me to lead my children in the way they should go.  This is both in my words and in my actions.  And, when I fail in these things, it is just as critical for me to humble myself and repent before my children, asking for their forgiveness as often as necessary.  This is the whole point of family; to do life together, see each other at our best and worst, and truly learn how to best get along with others.  The lesson was a little impromptu, and the show a little off kilter, but I think the point got across for all of us today =0)

There's no use crying over spilled milk....

Before I had children, I must say, I thought I was totally a "go with the flow" kind of person, but the truth is (shhhhhh, don't tell anyone)...I'm really up tight.  Phew, now that I got that off of my chest, I can breathe a little.  Kids are most definitely able to reveal the darkest areas of our sin nature, aren't they?  I have learned more about how desperately in need of Jesus I really am since having children (who keep coming and coming), which actually makes me so pleased because, truly, I would rather live in the land of Truth and Reality than some false sense of "I'm okay", or even worse "I'm perfect!"

As I have mentioned in previous posts, this is a particularly interesting season in our life, because I am definitely being tried in my roles as wife, mother, and homemaker.  Finding the balance between these special purposes is very important to me, and has been for quite some time.  God, in His infinite wisdom, has seen fit to use this trial with Zachary to go through an exercise in the lesson He has been teaching me for months now.  "What is this lesson?" you might be asking.  Well, I'll tell you...the truth is, "It's not that serious."  Wait, what?!  How can you say that?  How can things not be serious?  Well, you may not really be thinking that, but I definitely would have.  Serious has become my middle name lately!  Serious has become a way of life for me for too long, and God is using this whole event to shake me out of that seriousness to force me to focus on enjoying life, my family, and the many blessings He has given to us!

It is very easy for me to get tunnel vision.  I don't know if I'm alone in this, but when I am zeroed in on a task, come hell or high water, I AM GOING TO FINISH THAT TASK!  But, when my littles and bigs are hanging around and I get tunnel vision, what ends up happening is that I miss out on opportunities to enjoy them and experience what is going on in their lives and moments.  I ignore or get annoyed by the interruptions, instead of welcoming them with the territory of the task at hand.  Ultimately, when I get this way, my temper is on edge and even I would not want to be around me.  Man, I am so thankful for the forgiveness my children offer me daily =0)  My friend and I were talking about this idea regarding if/when our children drop something and make a big mess.  Personally, my instinctual reaction is to freak out.  Not because I am mad at them for making the mess, as in, "I can't believe you just did that!  What a horrible child!"  No, my reaction is based out of the internal frustration of "man, now I gotta clean that up to...AHH!!!!!"  This is also called selfishness, for those of us who are keeping tabs of the sin nature...but who's counting?  So, because of my selfishness, I react or am likely to react poorly, because simply, I don't want to have to do one more thing.  My flesh just wants to finish the other 8 things on my list, and adding one more unexpected task is really not on my list.

But, this, of course, is not what God wants for me.  Even the task list can become an idol!  Even my best intentions to be a great homemaker or house keeper are meaningless sacrifices to God if they are overshadowing my first calls to love with a Christ-like love.  This does not mean that I should not do these things, but it does mean that in doing them I should also remain focused on loving my children and husband in my actions and words.  It means, too, that I should always be ready to drop what I am doing for them if needed.  Interruptions provide the opportunity to really assess where our priorities lie.

For me, this lesson was brought into reality today since I had to make some bread and food items for the family, but also knew that I would likely also be needed regularly for Zachary or Taliya, or any of the other kids here and there.  I made the decision, though, to only focus on doing what I could do and no more (which for me meant not making some audacious list of things to do, but only going on an hour by hour plan and adjusting as needed), and be ready to help my kids and goof off with them as much as I could throughout the day.  Honestly, things went very well.  We got so much done!  I think this was the surprising part, because for some reason the lie in my head is that if I goof off with them and we do not keep a schedule, everything will just ultimately end up in disaster and disorder.  Neither of these things actually did occur, mind you, but it is the feeling that I get inside of me.  And, this is why I am thankful for God's call to be lead by the mind and not the heart, because the heart is so easily led astray.

It is an present-day epidemic to constantly be on the lookout for the next task to accomplish, but there is wisdom in setting boundaries and knowing limits.  Take the time to remember what is most important and properly establish where efforts really need to be focused.  This will ultimately bring about great peace both in your soul and in your household!  Remember, "The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses his people with peace" (Psalm 29:11).

Have you ever cried over spilled milk?  What accidents have you or your children accomplished that nearly or literally brought you to tears?  Is it funny now, or would you still cry? =0)

Digging in Deeper

Most of our friends on Facebook know that our son has been struggling with a difficult neurological issue for a few weeks now, a season I posted about a few days ago (see my reflections on this here). Sadly, we have not yet seem many improvements in our son, but actually continued to see the symptoms increasing, which is very difficult to watch and endure. It is so tough to watch our less than 2 year old toddler son, who has no idea what is going on, struggle through this, experiencing the frustrations of no longer being able to simply do the things he was able to do just weeks ago (like running, attempting to jump, climb on chairs, get into stuff...all the typical toddler in behaviors we love and enjoy so much). He is now to the point that walking is impossible without immediately falling, and even crawling is very difficult for him as he often missteps a hand and hits his sweet face on the floor. Although I know these things hurt him physically, it is his heart that concerns me the most. I can see his emotional frustrations with what is going on and it breaks my heart.

I am thankful, though, for the lessons we are learning during this trial. God is not without purpose, even in this. For one thing, I am eternally grateful that his sweet little personality is in tact. I can still capture smiles, incite gleeful giggles, tickle him silly, and hear his wonderful laugh. For this I am so, so thankful. I don't know about you, but it is easy in the midst of living I often forget to appreciate the simple things I life. I would love to say that I am always on the prowl for the little moments of life that fill it with joy, but I'm not. I am often so focused on the next task at hand that I miss the chance to enjoy life...sigh. My flesh is showing, I know. But, it is my good Father in Heaven who uses things like this to get my attention and teach me what REALLY matters in this life, no matter what Pinterest, Oprah, HGTV, or any other influence says.

Personally, I like a tidy house. I like walking on the floor without shoes and not having grit on my feet, but I have found quite often that this intention can easily become an idol if it supersedes my higher priorities according to God's Word, namely my devotion to my husband and children. When my home's tidiness becomes more important than keeping healthy relationships with these top people in my life than I am in sin. Oh, Lord, forgive me for these many occasions. But, I'm turning a corner. I'm determined to obey this call.

The Lord has really impressed upon me the importance of being very careful to prioritize and realistically determine what I can do and need to be doing throughout the days during this particular season in our household. In our normal season of life, baking, homeschooling, cooking, planning, taking walks, running errands, etc would all be easy and normal occurrences, but right now I cannot realistically do all these things, much as I might love to. And all this week I have intended to try to establish some sense of normalcy, but have been lacking greatly in seemingly all departments, feeling that I am essentially not doing anything well. I am thankful for a woman at church who prayed against this exact thing today at church =0). So, I am determined to walk hand in hand with God through this season, asking Him daily what are the non-negotiable tasks that must be accomplished that day.

Priorities, priorities.... This is a season where minimum is best. Keep it simple. We all have seasons in life that require our full attention; when the laundry can wait, the floor can be swept later, the toilet bowls can be cleaned tomorrow. This is that season for me. My main energy needs to be completely spent on my family and our relationships, along with healing our son. Expectations need to be reduced all around. I know that God will help us to find a new normal in all of this.

Even with the uncertainty and questions I am grateful for the overwhelming peace I have in this storm. The fact is, He is Sovereign and in control. I may not like this trial, I may not enjoy the struggle, but I have decided to learn every lesson that comes my way and to choose joy in the midst of the tumultuous waves!

Have you ever gone through a tough season in your life? Did you have to re-work your expectations or priorities? How did everything work out for you? Please share your experiences below. We can all learn so much from each other. God bless.

 

Growing with my Children

"...But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd." (Matthew 9:36)

We can learn so much from our children.  And not necessarily in fulfillment of Psalm 8:2 ("...from the mouths of babes...") but more so through the interactions we have with them when we spend time with them as God has ordained.  Deuteronomy 6:6-9 makes it clear that we should be spending a lot of time with our children for the purpose of raising them up to be His disciples, knowledgeable about who He is and all that He has created, but also wise to discern the things that please Him.  Well, I don't know about you, but this idea has been a growing pain for me for many years.  It goes against my nature to spend a lot of time with children, whether or not they are mine, so I have definitely found there to be a learning curve as to what this means and entails.

Although each of our households runs differently, most parents likely face the same kinds of issues with children.  Disobedience, defiance, irreverence, disrespect, lying, stealing, teasing, hitting, etc. and these are also usually in varying degrees of "severity."  Sadly, though, many of us, myself included, have fallen prey to seeking the world's guidance for how to handle these sins (and that is what they are, so let's not mince words) and because of seeking such guidance from outside sources, we are led astray.  We try this one technique for child-rearing only to find it backfire in our face.  So, we switch to another guideline and discover that it too is not really working, or we have a hole where we are not sure how to apply it in a particular situation.  We essentially find ourselves constantly seeking the next great bit of advice, hoping that it will alleviate the problem at hand and bring peace and order to our households (led astray, "like sheep without a shepherd").  Sadly, though, few of us really ever find it, and often when we think we did find it, we see that down the road we experience some lasting consequences to a technique that was really not how God designed the parent/child relationship to occur.

So, I found myself a bit lost and confused.  Feeling defeated, overwhelmed, and taking on this struggle with children that I did not know how to fight.  As I reached out to God in my despair, it became clear to me.  "Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it.  Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it" (Matthew 7:13-14).  The world's methods are broad and ranging, but God's ways are specific and focused, purposeful with long-term vision...I just needed to get myself aligned with His path for bringing up children.

The biggest downside I found with this, though, is that God's way is not easy for me....  I hate to say it, but let's be real, I did not really WANT to "parent" my child.  I really wanted to make the struggles of parenting go away.  I wanted a sinless, perfect, without flaw child.  I know this really opens the truth of my flesh, but I do not deny its presence.  But, determining to do things God's way revealed in me my own sinfulness, which was absolutely exactly where God wanted me to be!  As He spoke to me in His gentle way, long-suffering and full of grace guided by truth, He showed me that parenting is one way that He uses to reveal Himself to us, but also to reveal our nature and sinful ways with Him.  And, in just the same way that He is patient with me in my short-comings, sinfulness, and process of santification, I, too, am to behave in the same way with my children.

Truth be told: there is one difference in this parallel...I am not a perfect God.  I am a fleshly human redeemed by a Savior doing the best I know how to raise the next Godly generation.  How in the world could I truly reflect this parallel to my children?  The answer, of course, was that I am not meant to be God to my kids, but a compass for them to know Him better.  I was to reveal His nature to them as much as possible, even with my failures and short-comings.  The way this translates in our household is that I, too, am growing in my faith and understanding of God even as I teach my children about Him and His ways.  We are growing together, which is the most beautiful thing.  Do I know more then them?  Yes, of course.  Should they treat me with respect and submission?  Absolutely.  But, I should not ever Lord my position of authority over them, and when I fall short of respecting the significance of my position, I am to humble myself before them and seek their forgiveness, just as I do with my Father in Heaven.  What this signifies to them is that Mommy is just like them...sinful and fleshly, broken, and in desperate need of a Savior!  And, it is for this reason that I can be at peace when disciplining them when they sin.  I need not be angry, resentful, frustrated, etc.  When I fail at this, I have another opportunity to humble myself and apologize, and on the circle goes.

The biggest thing, though, that I must remember is that I am learning all of this without a direct example.  I was not raised to disciple my children.  I have to unlearn my cultural upbringing and learn God's Ways.  I am going to stumble through most of this as God's Word teaches me, but over time I will get better and I will learn His ways.  God is eager to teach all of us His methods for raising children.  If He pleases to reveal the why for His ways, we will grow even more.  But, we should not be ashamed of or afraid to grow alongside our children.  None of us have "arrived" on this side of Heaven.  And, remembering our eternal destination and ultimate source of Truth will keep us on the right path.

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge,
But fools despise wisdom and instruction."  (Proverbs 1:7)

Welcome to the world Taliya!

Just this over a week ago Saturday (January 28, 2012), we welcomed our fifth child into the family: Taliya Ruth.  This little angel is so precious.  We are just eating her up.

Just to recap some historical information with our family, we have decided that home is the best place for us to be for birth unless a medical reason arises, so I have had all but one of my babies at home.  Our first birth was in the hospital and it was less than satisfying (to put it gently) and after doing a lot of research and reading many books and medical studies, we found that home birth with certified midwives is an excellent alternative to the hospital birth experience (for more information on this topic, please check out the resource list for recommended sources).  In addition, all of my children have been "overdue", or past the date of "estimatation" (EDD).  This has ranged from 7-16 days, prior to this 5th birth.  Thankfully, the recurrent nature of post-term babies for me has allowed me to get my mind in gear to expect the babies to come later rather than early.  This has really helped with the end of pregnancy mind games that happen when mommy is just sick of being pregnant and wants to hold final hold the baby at the end of the race.  It is always helpful to focus on the fact that the EDD is just an estimation, not a prediction.

We have been so excited in anticipation for the birth of Taliya.  A funny side story is that, as previously mentioned, I always expect my babies to go "overdue", so in the beginning of this pregnancy, when I initially found out I was pregnant, I decided to "tell people" my due date was a week later than it actually was.  This was to deter the regular "when is the baby coming" questions at the end, which can be very trying when you are "overdue".  Well, in the midst of adding this week for others, I got lost in the dates and confused myself into thinking the actual due date was the "false one".  I did not realize this mistake until my 38 week appointment with my midwives.  She said, "You are officially 38 weeks pregnant!" to which I replied, "I thought I was 37 weeks pregnant...".  She flips open her chart and said, "No, you're due X date and are 38 weeks today.". The only problem with this "new" information was that my husband had scheduled work tests the entire week before my false due date, which meant he now had things scheduled the entire week after I would hit 40 weeks!  I just decided that I would have to wait until at least after Friday to have the baby so he could get his work done.

Of course, on my "due date" a lot of sudden pre-labor/Braxton Hicks started.  They were intense and came a lot throughout the day, but ultimately did not go anywhere, so I just basically ignored them.  This continued on throughout the week, sometimes getting so uncomfortable that I would have to breathe through them.  I was woken up during the middle of the night with them.  Things were happening, but they did not go any farther, so I just ignored them.  We got through the week while Mark finished up his work tasks and the weekend began.

On Saturday morning, at 2:30 am, I was awoken by contractions again.  This time, though, they were not going away.  I just kind of labored at the foot of the bed, debating on if I should lay back down and sleep (since I had just gotten into bed at midnight) or if I needed to get up.  A few minutes later a sudden burst of nausea hit me, so I ran to the bathroom and the lovely side of birth began =0).  My body emptied out all the food things we had taken in over the next couple of hours, which of course was time that also included many contractions in between bathroom runs and sleeping on the couch for a few minutes here and there.  It was pretty.  Thankfully, though, once my stomach was emptied, the nausea went away for the rest of labor.

Around 4:30 am, I was thinking about whether or not I needed to wake up Mark.  I knew he was tired and I didn't know how long we would have for the labor, but I was expecting our normal 11-14 hours.  But, then I remembered that we needed to fill the birth tub with water and I didn't know how long that would take, so I decided it would be best to wake him up just to be safe.  I went into the bedroom, tapped his foot a few times and said, "Babe, I'm in labor...".  He responded with "Great"!  He then proceeded to text the midwife that I was in labor and throwing up and she immediately called him back and said they were on their way.  Little did I know that she was actually concerned about not making it in time because she lives 45 minutes away.  Thankfully she had been awake when Mark texted her so she was ready to move right away (P.S. it is not recommended to text the midwife in situations like this, lol, but had she not called Mark back right away I was going to have him call).  He immediately got to work filling the tub and I got back into my position on the couch, sitting and laboring in a cross-legged position.

Man, it felt intense!  But, because I am accustomed to long labors, I just kept thinking that I was still early in my progress.  The first midwife (assistant) arrived around 4:50 am and she just quietly sat in the room with me and observed my labor.  I would simply go limp in my upper torso when the contractions would hit, I would lower my head and slowly sway back and forth in my upper body while making low/deep moaning noises.  This was my main labor position, lol.

Soon after, the other student midwife and the main midwife arrived and the tub was filled.  I later learned some back story to the tub situation.  It had been filled with very hot water, since my husband was anticipating a long labor.  The midwife informed him that they needed to add some cold water to cool the water down, which they proceeded to do quickly.  Of course, I did not know any of this was going on in the room next to me.  I was just focused on my laboring, which was getting more and more difficult to manage.  "Dear God, tell me that I am not 2-3 cm, because I do not know how I am going to get through 8 more hours of this" was what was going through my mind.  My hips were killing me.  My back was hurting.  I stood up and was leaning over the couch to try to get some relief and one of the midwives helped offer some counter pressure on my hips, which really helped to alleviate some of the intensity.  This was all happening around 6:50 am.

The kids were downstairs putting together some "crafts" to welcome Taliya into the family. 

At 7am, I was told I could get into the water, which I was hesitant to do because I knew I was making nice progress and I didn't want the water to halt any progress, even though I love the relief the water offers.  But, I got into the water eagerly anyway.  It felt so great!  Even when the next contraction came it felt less intense and more peaceful, which was a welcome relief!  Water rocks!  A minute or so later the midwife said, "Whenever you begin to feel pressure in your rear, just let me know".  It was a humorous statement to me because I had been feeling some pressure already, but I "knew" it was not yet the baby because in my head I was "only 3-4" or so I kept telling myself.  They asked me to move to another side of the tub so that they could see better, which I knew meant they thought I would be pushing soon, but I didn't really want to believe her because if she was wrong I didn't want to have my hopes up, even though this was countering what I knew was going on in my body...this was my battle of experience, lol.  Past experiences were clouding my better judgment and thinking processes.

First contractions in the water...less intense than before but still intense!

Right after the midwives had me switch to the other side of the pool so they could get a better view, pushing began!

Pushing...

Head's out and I turned over (upon instinct)

Baby's out, but still in the water (cord was loosely around her foot) 

Right into mommy's arms...just how I like it =0) 

And, Mommy's face of disbelief...my exact words were, "SHUT UP!"

Anyway, about a minute later, I felt the beginning of pushing, which was met without any objections so I just went with it.  About a minute after that she was crowning and 30 seconds later she was in my arms.  The entire birth was seamless, smoothe, and totally caught my husband and me by surprise with how quickly it went!  My 5 day "overdue" baby was covered in vernix (a sign of being a younger baby) and was beautiful.  When we eventually weighed her she was 7 lbs 2 oz and 20 1/4 inches long.  She nursed fine (although we had a little latch issue for a bit, but eventually worked through it) and slept wonderfully.  She has been such an amazing blessing.  Taliya, "dew of Heaven", Ruth, "companion and friend", has become the newest little love addiction for the Filter household, and she is definitely abundantly blessed by the many hands that hold and love her! =0)

First picture with all 5 children!  Welcome to the family, Taliya!  We love you!

(I finally was able to put together the video of the event.  We love to video tape the births of the kids, because the girls especially have really enjoyed seeing their own birth.  We are asked regularly if they can watch them.  =0)  I hope it blesses, encourages, and awes you as much as it does me.)