An Attitude of Gratitude

We live in a time that is filled with flippant pressure to consume, earn more, achieve more, gain more, grow more, etc.  This concept, of course, is without restraint unless it comes into contact with the Word of God, which is when reluctance, the "less is more" approach, and limitation come into play.  As a parent, it is my duty to teach my children the way they should go.  God makes a clear command in Deuteronomy 6: 6-9, "These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."  Everything in life presents a learning opportunity, and a chance to teach biblical wisdom and lessons.


Through this time of great difficulty, we have a wonderful opportunity to dig into a lesson that I often impart to my children throughout tough days: bear an attitude of gratitude.  The enemy of our souls wants us to be distracted and disgruntled in hopelessness, covetousness, self-pity, pride, etc. and the best way to win that battle is through turning the tides of the mind and replacing lies with Truth, capital T!  The Bible tells us, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:3).  


We are not to be people of fear and trepidation, but of joy and enthusiasm!  Because of our hope in the Lord, we can look to Him for guidance and answers to prayer, knowing that He is Sovereign and good beyond understanding.  It is only when we step outside of these basic Christian beliefs that we enter into a mentality that brings with it destruction.  Focusing on things that are not going our way, repeatedly playing videos of the mind of negative events, and wishing or yearning for things completely outside of our control are just some of the ways to obtain a negative attitude.  Just like all sins, we naturally and quite easily slide into these behaviors like they are a pair of loved and well-worn socks.  


But, to step out of our natural sin behaviors and into God's Ways breaks us free from this self-destructive cycle.  No matter what our earthly situations bring to us, they are not so devastating that we cannot stand up under them.  The bible repeatedly tells us to be thankful, show joy, have thanksgiving, and wait on the Lord.  He is our Rock and our Redeemer in times of need.  So, we must take our thoughts captive, which describes a very intentional and purposeful event, not something that just happens passively.  When walking my kids through this exercise, I always ask them to voice their concerns and if they need to talk and then I ask them some things that they just really like.  This turns their mind to the things in their life for which they are thankful: my sister, playing with dolls, running, etc.  Remembering all the good things that God has provided in this life helps to correct any negative perspectives that want to invade and take over our minds.  This is taking thoughts captive.


Practicing this discipline is a big step in keeping our minds on giving praise and glory to God, even in our most difficult times.  We must never forget how much God loves us, or let our circumstances dictate how we are led.  We are not to be led by our emotions, but to bring our concerns and suffering to the Lord's feet in worshipful prayer.  Philippians 4:6 says this: "Do not be anxious about anything but in every situation, by prayer and petition, take your requests to God."  The next passage, though, is KEY!  "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ," Philippians 4:7.  When I say worshipful I mean having a humble and respectful heart towards a Most High God, always keeping in proper perspective on who He is and who we are.  If this heart attitude toward God remains in proper order, the response and results of such prayer will be this promise.  God is faithful and does not leave us in the miry pit, but helps us to walk through it to the mountaintop, where we are able to see His bigger view on things.  Focusing on how great God is, correcting negative thoughts through intentional action, and praising the Lord regardless of circumstances provides the greatest gift of joy in the times of trouble.  Amen for that!

When Times Get Tough...

This has been a little while coming, but things have been so crazy here that I have not mentally been together enough to sit and write out what has been generally going on.  I wanted to make sure I put out some information since I have a minute now.  Thank you every one for your prayers and offers of help.

All in all, our family is doing well, but we are in the midst of the biggest trial we have yet to face as a family.  About 2 months ago, our fourth child, first and only son thus far, who just turned 2 the end of May, began to show noticeable signs that something was not quite right in his body.  I noticed his hands would shake when he would hold out his arms to be picked up.  When I first noticed it I thought it strange, but then just kind of blew it off and did not think much of it.  Then I noticed he would shake when in the shopping cart, like he was cold or something.  I would ask if he was cold but he was not.  Then he began to shake while sitting in his high chair, and then when standing.   

I noticed he began to have issues walking and even when standing would continue to shake about slightly, but enough that he would reach out to hold onto something to steady himself.  The fay after I noticed this instability while standing, he almost fell right down the stairs when he ran over to the gate while goofing off but missed the rail.  Thank God I was standing right there and caught him.  That evening when hubby got home from work I told him that I was concerned about Zack, and when Zack woke up from his nap he saw that he had deteriorated even further since church the day before, so we headed to the ER (this is about 7-10 days after I first noticed the symptoms).  We were admitted in the hospital through Friday, during which time they did a series of tests, ruling out brain tumors, and one test for Lyme's disease.  During the stay in the hospital, his symptoms progressed even further, going from having a very staggered walk to not being able to walk at all, and then started a new symptom with his eyes being unable to focus very well and shifting all over the place.  By the end of the week (about 2 weeks from the time when his symptoms began) he was diagnosed as having post-infectious cerebellitis, which is a self-limiting illness that typically begins to get better from 1-4 weeks.  This diagnosis was actually very benign, so we left the hospital hopeful that any day we would begin to see an improvement in our son, but that is not what has happened. 

We've been discharged for about 7 weeks now, and Zack is no better, so we are seeking a second opinion.  We will be re-entering the medical community to seek out an MRI for his head and thoracic cavity, because we believe that he is suffering from something called Opsoclonus Myoclonus Syndrome (find more information here).  His information is right in line with this (less than 2 years old, presents quickly, follows flu-like symptoms...he had a cough for over a month, but never any fever or really much else) so we are seeking out testing to rule out or confirm a neuroblastoma (which is highly common in such a situation), or any other tumors in his body.  If this is ruled out, we will move onto Lyme's disease and the strains of bacteria and their mutations that can cause it.  We desire prayers for being guided to the right doctors to help us properly diagnose what is going on, protection from any negative butting of heads between us and the conventional medicine community, and respect from the medical staff for our parental rights to make medical decisions for treatment of our son, whether it be to seek out alternative care or pursue conventional treatments.  Then there is also the financial burden, as we have had to pay out of pocket for some of this, but especially his homeopathic treatment.  Any other care we pursue that it outside of insurance provision will also be out of pocket.

We know this is going to be a journey for our family and we are prepared for a season of testing.  In all of this we know that we are being refined.  The scripture I have been given over and over is James 1:2-4, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  I have been finding relation to Job from the Bible throughout this time, and am determined to continue to give praise and glory to our good Father in Heaven, who loves unabashedly and mourns with us when we suffer trials in this life.  But, we rest secure in the promise of Jeremiah 29:11-13, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."  Well, we are seeking our Lord =0)  There are beautiful things that have already begun to emerge out of this miry pit.  Hubby's grandma has come to stay with us for some time to help out.  The girls are really stepping into their roles as helpers and servants of the Lord in this family.  I have absolutely relaxed on expectations in the household and on myself, and we have been repeatedly blessed by the help offered to us by others.  Asking for help is just one area where I previously was not comfortable, but am truly seeing the blessing of reaching out in such times of distress and need.   

In addition, enjoying the simple pleasures and joys of life comes easily for me now.  Things that previously would have likely been overlooked amongst the million other things on my plate are now being enjoyed and cherished (a laugh here, a smile or tickle there, a cuddle and hug, etc.)  There is nothing as refreshing as a renewed perspective on the significant blessings that God has allowed into our lives.  I am beyond thankful for everything we have.  Even seeing where my son is right now, I can rejoice in God's love because I am still so blessed.  I still have my son, I still get to hear him laugh, I still get to see his smile.  Life could be so much worse.  We have a potentially long road ahead of us, but God is Sovereign and continues to make Himself manifest.  Your prayers are more than desired and any practical way you feel you could help, we would absolutely appreciate it.  I will be posting on this, and the loads of other things God has been teaching me since before this latest season, so I hope you will stay connected on here.  The more readers I can get on here, the better my chances of turning it into something of a financial blessing for our family too.  Thanks again and as always, please feel free to share comments, thoughts, and encouragements below!  God bless!

The Wisdom of Seeking Guidance (especially from your husband)

For many homeschooling families, the wife/mother assumes majority of the workload that is put into the schooling of the children.  Husbands very often do take on a few subjects or particular children, but their role is not as the primary educator of the children, or facilitator of their learning (as they get older).  I have read of a myriad of ways that husbands participate in the homeschooling of the family, but one of the most significant helps a husband can offer for the wife is an outsider's perspective and the value of his headship and leadership within the family.  Let's face it, homeschooling is not the easiest of tasks, and though the difficulties of it manifest differently for everyone, there is some struggle going on within most homeschooling moms at any given moment: "Johnny really needs to do his math, but we are running so behind I don't know how we can get to it!...The floor needs to be swept but the baby is crying and needs a diaper change...I really need to spend some one-on-one time with Jill, but I just don't know how or when we can do that without so many distractions and interruptions!"

At least, this was where I was just the other day.  Feeling overwhelmed, incapable, failing at everything, and exhausted.  Things just felt scattered, chaotic, and frantic, rather than the scheduled, predictable, joyful, and pleasant atmosphere I yearned for our house to exude.  The kids too were feeling the disorganization and acting out because of it.  In our family, the more predictable and expected the order of the day/week is, the better tempers we have.

See, majority of the home schoolers I know, myself included, go through seasons where a feeling of inadequacy is experienced, often due to the expectation of needing to do more than is truly needed.  This is the homeschooling version of "keeping up with the Jones'".  We see, hear of, or read about homeschooling families that do a million things and we imagine them doing it all perfectly and without any tension, ever; violin lessons, speak 3 languages, Chess tournaments, kids able to scrub the house top to bottom with perfection, etc.  The reality is that every family has victories and struggles, difficulties at one point or another with messy children, and must go through various trials while doing life together.  The operative word here, though, is TOGETHER.

Segue to the point of this message (did you know it's not spelled segway?  I didn't, lol).  In a marriage relationship, two people are joined together to become one, and in this holy union life is meant to be done together.  All the struggles, joys, thrills, chills, trials, and victories are meant to be experienced alongside of each other, while knowing that there will be times when leaning on the other person for stability and strength will be necessary to get through a particular season.  There is nothing shameful or weak about this!  It is the reason God provided the Body of Christ (i.e. the Church).  For one thing, each of us are blessed with particular gifts and talents that balance out and fill in the gaps of others around us.  In our marriage, Mark is the administrative one.  Administration comes dead bottom for me in my giftings.  But, my weakness cannot be balanced by his strength if I do not seek out his insight and help when needed.  Sadly, he is not a mind-reader!  In addition, though, God designed the family to run in another organized and orderly fashion, with one head, not as an ugly two-headed dragon.  The family is another earthly example of the relationship of Christ and His Bride, the Church (see Ephesians 5:22-32).  In the same way it is foolish for me to go about my life, struggling as I may be, without ever seeking the wisdom and perspective of Christ, it is equally as foolish for me to do the same without seeking the wisdom and perspective of my husband.  Ouch!

So, God has seen fit to bring me to just this point.  He has seen fit to humble me, putting so much on my plate that there is just no way I can wisely do everything while maintaining a Christ-like attitude and my overall health.  He has pushed me to my breaking point...the point where I must (gulp) ask for help.  DOUBLE GULP!  Maybe I am the only person who struggles with this, but God has been pruning me to know when it is wise for me to pull up my bootstraps and get to work, and when I really do need help to get it all done.  For a little while now, I have known this is where I am.

My husband and I had a sit down last night and ironed out solutions for some of the most immediate things that are on my plate and needing attention (i.e. home school), and I was so, so blessed by his insights and wisdom!  He brought to the table solutions that I was too close and too swamped to see, and helped to eliminate things from the list that just do not need to be happening right now.  I feel like an elephant has been lifted off of my back!  The value of his perspective just cannot be overstated.  Wives, be sure to seek out your husband's advice for things pertaining to your home schooling and overall flow of your household.  He is the head and God has ordained him with insight that cannot be explained in this world.

I know that there will be some ladies who read this and do not believe that their husbands are interested in participating in the home schooling endeavor.  A sure way to keep it that way is to keep him at an arms' length from it!  The more he feels invited and welcome into home schooling, the more he will become involved (most likely gradually, so be patient).  Others may not trust that their husbands will offer sound advice, or wisdom.  This may be true, but it does not remove the importance of inviting him into the schooling.  It does, though, stress the importance of your relationship with the Lord to be able to discern what is Truth and what are lies.  Dismiss that which is a lie, or harmful, and embrace every bit of wisdom and Truth that exits his mouth!  We must be wise enough to listen to and trust the leadings of our husbands, trusting wholeheartedly that the Lord is in control, no matter what.  Even if your husband is not a follower of Christ (yet) you are called to submit to him, as one submitting to Christ, because ultimately Christ is in the driver's seat.  Always remember, "The Lord watches over the ways of the righteous" (Psalm 1:6).  If all else in this earth fails, Christ is still leading you in the ways of righteousness...you just may be too close to see His perspective yet.  Be patient.  Solutions will come, whether from your husband or not.  His timing is always best.

As a Christian, my life is first and foremost meant to bring glory and honor to God.  If I am too caught up in dealing with the things of this life to fulfill this calling, then something needs to change. And, more often than not, that change will begin with me.

Sunday Morning Madness

"All I wanted to do was enjoy a lovely sit-down breakfast with my family!  Why is this so difficult?"  Have these words ever crossed your mind in the morning?  I have been trying painstakingly to get into the pattern of making a nice Sunday morning breakfast for our family.  I have this vision of pancakes and eggs, orange juice, and fruit, all of us sitting down with smiles on our faces and laughing as we eat.  But, this just does not ever seem to be the picture that actually happens.  Usually, things are rushed, hair is not brushed, clothes are on backwards, the morning chores are half done, etc, etc, etc.  Although I could write this post about my conviction to be better at keeping things more orderly, or how it is so important to be diligent about time management, which are definitely true and important things, today this post is about the seasons of life.

I had a revelation this past Sunday about this very thing.  To put it bluntly, I am not in the season of in depth meals, gourmet anything, or meals that require excess attention.  More importantly, I have a very specific and special season that I am in right now, and it requires my full attention and energy.  I am in the season of the Littles.  "Littles?" you may ask.  Yes, Littles.  The season of the Littles is when children are still in a specific season of training, discipleship, and discipline that requires a LOT of hands on parenting in preparation for seasons to come.  It is a very hands on season, so when my attention is elsewhere, such as on making breakfast, it is easy for tempers to get flared and trouble to develop, because I cannot split myself in two and help gently guide while ensuring the meal gets made.  This intention to present a wonderful sit down Sunday breakfast has left us late for church on more occasion than one, and has strangled our family peace too greatly.  Something had to give!

Naturally, God was ready to help rectify the situation.  He spoke to my and my husband's hearts on this issue, clarifying that the breakfast beauty was just not meant to be; not because it is inherently sinful to make a lovely Sunday morning breakfast, but because it was distracting from the peace of the morning and hurting our overall intentions of getting to church on time (or preferably EARLY, gasp!)  Ultimately, this breakfast vision was becoming an idol, and that idol had to be torn down!

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that it is not okay to have a nice sit down family breakfast.  There is, of course, absolutely nothing wrong with making a nice meal, enjoying it, etc.  The problem comes in when frustration, short tempers, and stress come about because of everything bending around this vision of things looking a certain way, or going a certain way.  If the breakfast meal is causing more issues than it is helping, than it needs to go and something more simple needs to be figured out until a better time at a later date.

The more important focus of the morning should be for us to enjoy life and togetherness as we give glory to God who provided the day of rest (hasn't been very restful with stress first thing in the day!) A healthy meal of oatmeal or cereal with smiles, excellent time management and big picture goals being met is far more important and valuable than eating a lavish meal while everything else goes to pot!  "Better a dry crust with peace and quiet, than a house full of feasting with strife" (Proverbs 17:1).  The funny thing is, I know exactly where this intention of the "hot meal" came from.  Several years ago a good friend encouraged me to make a hot breakfast for my kids in the morning because a friend of hers had exemplified this to her.  It sure sounded good!  "My kids will really feel loved and special, and doing so will absolutely show to them my extreme love and adoration I have for them!"  At the time I was content to ensure that the kids received a breakfast of cereal or oatmeal with juice or a piece of fruit without much thought.  But, once that idea was in my head, it was hard to shake!  This is something that we must always guard against in our media-infused culture, because the Martha Stewarts and awesome homemaking blogs will present a lot of information, often GREAT, which can easily get twisted into a sinful application if we are not careful to discern its proper use in our lives.  For a time I was good about this and did not fret over my children eating a cold breakfast, but eventually that same lie came back to me, rooted in, and up came the first fruits of its growth.  Thankfully, though, God was ready for the pruning!

In my season with the Littles, though, a lavish breakfast is more trouble than it is worth, as much as I enjoy blessing my family in this way.  The truth is, though, that we are not yet in the season when breakfasts like this will be served, because it is low on the priority list compared to the other character traits we are working to instill into our children (such as diligence, efficiency, and time management in their morning chores).  In this season, cereal, oatmeal, toast with peanut butter, etc. is just fine for the majority of days to allow for the training which will prepare and allow for the season of lavish breakfasts and meals to come.  This is the vision for our family!  There will come a day where my children will have been trained sufficiently in doing their chores that I will not have to be alongside of them in the mornings. There will come a day when my children will have been trained in the kitchen to make a great meal without me having to be in there with them.  Today is just not that day; and in this truth, I have great peace, because the cold breakfasts and quick fix meals of today are giving way to the more enjoyable and valuable fruits of tomorrow.  "Let us not grow tired in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up" (Galatians 6:9).  Now, that is a promise worth believing!

The Master Web Weaver

Several years ago I received a devotional email that contained a wonderful story, which taught a fantastic, and pertinent, lesson.  This story has been returning to my mind quite often lately with all that has been going on, and I am pleased to say that I have found the story so that I might share its wisdom and thought-provoking nature.  The story comes from "UpWords The Teaching Ministry of Max Lucado" and is called The Woodcutter's Wisdom:

"Once there was an old man who lived in a tiny village. Although poor, he was envied by all, for he owned a beautiful white horse. Even the king coveted his treasure. A horse like this had never been seen before—such was its splendor, its majesty, its strength.

People offered fabulous prices for the steed, but the old man always refused. “This horse is not a horse to me,” he would tell them. “It is a person. How could you sell a person? He is a friend, not a possession. How could you sell a friend?” The man was poor and the temptation was great. But he never sold the horse.

One morning he found that the horse was not in the stable. All the village came to see him.  “You old fool,” they scoffed, “we told you that someone would steal your horse. We warned you that you would be robbed. You are so poor. How could you ever hope to protect such a valuable animal? It would have been better to have sold him. You could have gotten whatever price you wanted. No amount would have been too high. Now the horse is gone, and you’ve been cursed with misfortune.”

The old man responded, “Don’t speak too quickly. Say only that the horse is not in the stable. That is all we know; the rest is judgment. If I’ve been cursed or not, how can you know? How can you judge?”

The people contested, “Don’t make us out to be fools! We may not be philosophers, but great philosophy is not needed. The simple fact that your horse is gone is a curse.”

The old man spoke again. “All I know is that the stable is empty, and the horse is gone. The rest I don’t know. Whether it be a curse or a blessing, I can’t say. All we can see is a fragment. Who can say what will come next?”

The people of the village laughed. They thought that the man was crazy. They had always thought he was fool; if he wasn’t, he would have sold the horse and lived off the money. But instead, he was a poor woodcutter, an old man still cutting firewood and dragging it out of the forest and selling it.  He lived hand to mouth in the misery of poverty. Now he had proven that he was, indeed, a fool.

After fifteen days, the horse returned. He hadn’t been stolen; he had run away into the forest. Not only had he returned, he had brought a dozen wild horses with him. Once again the village people gathered around the woodcutter and spoke. “Old man, you were right and we were wrong. What we thought was a curse was a blessing. Please forgive us.”

The man responded, “Once again, you go too far. Say only that the horse is back. State only that a dozen horses returned with him, but don’t judge. How do you know if this is a blessing or not? You see only a fragment. Unless you know the whole story, how can you judge? You read only one page of a book. Can you judge the whole book? You read only one word of a phrase. Can you understand the entire phrase?  Life is so vast, yet you judge all of life with one page or one word. All you have is a fragment!  Don’t say that this is a blessing. No one knows. I am content with what I know. I am not perturbed by what I don’t.”

“Maybe the old man is right,” they said to one another. So they said little. But down deep, they knew he was wrong. They knew it was a blessing. Twelve wild horses had returned with one horse. With a little bit of work, the animals could be broken and trained and sold for much money.  The old man had a son, an only son. The young man began to break the wild horses. After a few days, he fell from one of the horses and broke both legs. Once again the villagers gathered around the old man and cast their judgements.

“You were right,” they said. “You proved you were right. The dozen horses were not a blessing. They were a curse. Your only son has broken his legs, and now in your old age you have no one to help you. Now you are poorer than ever.”

The old man spoke again. “You people are obsessed with judging. Don’t go so far. Say only that my son broke his legs. Who knows if it is a blessing or a curse? No one knows. We only have a fragment.  Life comes in fragments.”

It so happened that a few weeks later the country engaged in war against a neighboring country. All the young men of the village were required to join the army. Only the son of the old man was excluded, because he was injured. Once again the people gathered around the old man, crying and screaming because their sons had been taken. There was little chance that they would return. The enemy was strong, and the war would be a losing struggle. They would never see their sons again. 

“You were right, old man,” they wept. “God knows you were right. This proves it. Yours son’s accident was a blessing. His legs may be broken, but at least he is with you. Our sons are gone forever.”

The old man spoke again. “It is impossible to talk with you. You always draw conclusions. No one knows. Say only this: Your sons had to go to war, and mine did not. No one knows if it is a blessing or a curse. No one is wise enough to know. Only God knows.”

And, so is the Truth of our situation and life itself.  We only get one little snapshot of the big picture. God is the master web weaver because He has a vantage point that none of us can ever see!  This is why we must make the decision, long before and all throughout trials, to trust and obey Him no matter what circumstances we face.  We must always remember His promises, like Jeremiah 29:11, "'I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you a future and hope,'" as well as the Truth about how God does things.  "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, and your ways are not my ways" (Isaiah 55:8).  The fact is, though, that His character is trustworthy and we can be at peace even in the midst of the worst storms.  How wonderful it is to serve a good God!

Have you ever jumped to conclusions about a situation and been surprised at how well, or terrible, things worked out?

Photo image from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Spider_web_Luc_Viatour.jpg

There's no use crying over spilled milk....

Before I had children, I must say, I thought I was totally a "go with the flow" kind of person, but the truth is (shhhhhh, don't tell anyone)...I'm really up tight.  Phew, now that I got that off of my chest, I can breathe a little.  Kids are most definitely able to reveal the darkest areas of our sin nature, aren't they?  I have learned more about how desperately in need of Jesus I really am since having children (who keep coming and coming), which actually makes me so pleased because, truly, I would rather live in the land of Truth and Reality than some false sense of "I'm okay", or even worse "I'm perfect!"

As I have mentioned in previous posts, this is a particularly interesting season in our life, because I am definitely being tried in my roles as wife, mother, and homemaker.  Finding the balance between these special purposes is very important to me, and has been for quite some time.  God, in His infinite wisdom, has seen fit to use this trial with Zachary to go through an exercise in the lesson He has been teaching me for months now.  "What is this lesson?" you might be asking.  Well, I'll tell you...the truth is, "It's not that serious."  Wait, what?!  How can you say that?  How can things not be serious?  Well, you may not really be thinking that, but I definitely would have.  Serious has become my middle name lately!  Serious has become a way of life for me for too long, and God is using this whole event to shake me out of that seriousness to force me to focus on enjoying life, my family, and the many blessings He has given to us!

It is very easy for me to get tunnel vision.  I don't know if I'm alone in this, but when I am zeroed in on a task, come hell or high water, I AM GOING TO FINISH THAT TASK!  But, when my littles and bigs are hanging around and I get tunnel vision, what ends up happening is that I miss out on opportunities to enjoy them and experience what is going on in their lives and moments.  I ignore or get annoyed by the interruptions, instead of welcoming them with the territory of the task at hand.  Ultimately, when I get this way, my temper is on edge and even I would not want to be around me.  Man, I am so thankful for the forgiveness my children offer me daily =0)  My friend and I were talking about this idea regarding if/when our children drop something and make a big mess.  Personally, my instinctual reaction is to freak out.  Not because I am mad at them for making the mess, as in, "I can't believe you just did that!  What a horrible child!"  No, my reaction is based out of the internal frustration of "man, now I gotta clean that up to...AHH!!!!!"  This is also called selfishness, for those of us who are keeping tabs of the sin nature...but who's counting?  So, because of my selfishness, I react or am likely to react poorly, because simply, I don't want to have to do one more thing.  My flesh just wants to finish the other 8 things on my list, and adding one more unexpected task is really not on my list.

But, this, of course, is not what God wants for me.  Even the task list can become an idol!  Even my best intentions to be a great homemaker or house keeper are meaningless sacrifices to God if they are overshadowing my first calls to love with a Christ-like love.  This does not mean that I should not do these things, but it does mean that in doing them I should also remain focused on loving my children and husband in my actions and words.  It means, too, that I should always be ready to drop what I am doing for them if needed.  Interruptions provide the opportunity to really assess where our priorities lie.

For me, this lesson was brought into reality today since I had to make some bread and food items for the family, but also knew that I would likely also be needed regularly for Zachary or Taliya, or any of the other kids here and there.  I made the decision, though, to only focus on doing what I could do and no more (which for me meant not making some audacious list of things to do, but only going on an hour by hour plan and adjusting as needed), and be ready to help my kids and goof off with them as much as I could throughout the day.  Honestly, things went very well.  We got so much done!  I think this was the surprising part, because for some reason the lie in my head is that if I goof off with them and we do not keep a schedule, everything will just ultimately end up in disaster and disorder.  Neither of these things actually did occur, mind you, but it is the feeling that I get inside of me.  And, this is why I am thankful for God's call to be lead by the mind and not the heart, because the heart is so easily led astray.

It is an present-day epidemic to constantly be on the lookout for the next task to accomplish, but there is wisdom in setting boundaries and knowing limits.  Take the time to remember what is most important and properly establish where efforts really need to be focused.  This will ultimately bring about great peace both in your soul and in your household!  Remember, "The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses his people with peace" (Psalm 29:11).

Have you ever cried over spilled milk?  What accidents have you or your children accomplished that nearly or literally brought you to tears?  Is it funny now, or would you still cry? =0)

Digging in Deeper

Most of our friends on Facebook know that our son has been struggling with a difficult neurological issue for a few weeks now, a season I posted about a few days ago (see my reflections on this here). Sadly, we have not yet seem many improvements in our son, but actually continued to see the symptoms increasing, which is very difficult to watch and endure. It is so tough to watch our less than 2 year old toddler son, who has no idea what is going on, struggle through this, experiencing the frustrations of no longer being able to simply do the things he was able to do just weeks ago (like running, attempting to jump, climb on chairs, get into stuff...all the typical toddler in behaviors we love and enjoy so much). He is now to the point that walking is impossible without immediately falling, and even crawling is very difficult for him as he often missteps a hand and hits his sweet face on the floor. Although I know these things hurt him physically, it is his heart that concerns me the most. I can see his emotional frustrations with what is going on and it breaks my heart.

I am thankful, though, for the lessons we are learning during this trial. God is not without purpose, even in this. For one thing, I am eternally grateful that his sweet little personality is in tact. I can still capture smiles, incite gleeful giggles, tickle him silly, and hear his wonderful laugh. For this I am so, so thankful. I don't know about you, but it is easy in the midst of living I often forget to appreciate the simple things I life. I would love to say that I am always on the prowl for the little moments of life that fill it with joy, but I'm not. I am often so focused on the next task at hand that I miss the chance to enjoy life...sigh. My flesh is showing, I know. But, it is my good Father in Heaven who uses things like this to get my attention and teach me what REALLY matters in this life, no matter what Pinterest, Oprah, HGTV, or any other influence says.

Personally, I like a tidy house. I like walking on the floor without shoes and not having grit on my feet, but I have found quite often that this intention can easily become an idol if it supersedes my higher priorities according to God's Word, namely my devotion to my husband and children. When my home's tidiness becomes more important than keeping healthy relationships with these top people in my life than I am in sin. Oh, Lord, forgive me for these many occasions. But, I'm turning a corner. I'm determined to obey this call.

The Lord has really impressed upon me the importance of being very careful to prioritize and realistically determine what I can do and need to be doing throughout the days during this particular season in our household. In our normal season of life, baking, homeschooling, cooking, planning, taking walks, running errands, etc would all be easy and normal occurrences, but right now I cannot realistically do all these things, much as I might love to. And all this week I have intended to try to establish some sense of normalcy, but have been lacking greatly in seemingly all departments, feeling that I am essentially not doing anything well. I am thankful for a woman at church who prayed against this exact thing today at church =0). So, I am determined to walk hand in hand with God through this season, asking Him daily what are the non-negotiable tasks that must be accomplished that day.

Priorities, priorities.... This is a season where minimum is best. Keep it simple. We all have seasons in life that require our full attention; when the laundry can wait, the floor can be swept later, the toilet bowls can be cleaned tomorrow. This is that season for me. My main energy needs to be completely spent on my family and our relationships, along with healing our son. Expectations need to be reduced all around. I know that God will help us to find a new normal in all of this.

Even with the uncertainty and questions I am grateful for the overwhelming peace I have in this storm. The fact is, He is Sovereign and in control. I may not like this trial, I may not enjoy the struggle, but I have decided to learn every lesson that comes my way and to choose joy in the midst of the tumultuous waves!

Have you ever gone through a tough season in your life? Did you have to re-work your expectations or priorities? How did everything work out for you? Please share your experiences below. We can all learn so much from each other. God bless.

 

To the Hospital and Back Again

I must say, this week has been nonstop excitement.  We were in the hospital from Monday to late Friday night because of some symptoms my 22 month old son has been having over the week prior.  His body was progressively losing more and more control of balance, coordination, and movement, so it was very concerning as it continued to progress.  It began with some shaking hands when he would go to pick up things to eventually so bad that he could not stand without shaking or walk without falling.  After almost a week in the hospital, we do not have a verifiable diagnosis, but the one we have makes sense.  Post-infectious cerebellitis, or in other words he had an unknown virus and after the infection went away his cerebellum inflamed somewhere.  The inflammation is not verifiable and the virus is not verifiable, so truly, only God knows exactly what is going on in this case.  Thankfully, though, my son is doing better, his arms are shaking less and he is gaining better control of his extremities.  It may take a little longer for the large muscles to get back to normal, like when he stands, walks, and sits.  He is in good spirits, though, especially now that we are home.

This adventure of faith has been exactly that.  God has made himself manifest multiple times throughout our journey.  He is Sovereign and knew all about this little hiccup in our lives, but used it as an opportunity to reveal Himself to us over and over.  I think as Christians in America, it is so easy to expect that when we ask to grow in Christ, to mature in our faith, etc. that we think it means we will experience an easier, pain free, and care free life, but this is not consistent with Scripture nor with a proper understanding of God.  First, we must always remember that we are not to consider this our home, but our temporary living place.  God uses difficulties in life to detach us from a dependency on the things of this world.  Second, we see over and over in scripture that when God's people are comfortable and living free of trials, they forget about Him.  As Christians, it is critical that we continue to praise, give thanks to, and remember God even when things are going well, but especially when things are tough!  He is not a magic genie in a bottle here to serve us and fulfill our desires.  We are here to serve Him and bring glory to His name.  This cannot be accomplished when we live in misery, without hope, stressed by this world, and act as the world does.  Our joy, hope, love, and behaviors should be the best examples of our faith and our hope in Jesus to everyone around us.  We SHOULD look different.  Third, when we go through the trials of this life, we experience the opportunity to be tested in our faith and to grow in our experience of God's goodness yet again.  After this experience God has pushed me out of my comfort zone to really speak up in His name, something I have been very uncomfortable about doing.  He has shown me that He truly is the Great Physician and knows just what is needed, so my dependency cannot be on the medical system and their truly limited knowledge in comparison to God's Sovereignty.  And finally, every opportunity we have to grow is a blessing from the Lord.  He wants us to be at peace in this life, but this is not found in ease of life, it is found in a steady quiet and inner peace when right in the middle of the biggest storms.  Peace is not living without any stressful circumstances, troubles, difficulties, pains, etc.  Peace is a sense of calm regardless of what is going on around us.  Do I mean an ambition sought like the Buddhists, found by intentionally cutting oneself off from the emotional effects of the material and worldly pleasures of this life?  No, it is not necessarily a sin to enjoy a movie, love snuggling in a chair, to run and skip in joy for the beautiful day, etc.  But, I mean a peace that is found and experienced because of a profound acceptance of God's Sovereignty...He is in control, so therefore, we need not fear.

Now, if the character of God is misunderstood, this idea of His Sovereignty may be fearful or troublesome.  But, to those who understand WHO God is and the traits that define His character, knowing that He is the one in control, no matter how bad things get on this earth, the greatest calm and peace ever can be experienced.  God is good, and He clearly defines Himself repeatedly in His Word, so if His character scares, angers or confuses You, be like the Bereans and study.  He tells us in His Word, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you,” declares the LORD" (Jeremiah 29:12-14).  


This song was on my heart a lot over the course of this week.  I pray it blesses you too.

New Book Study Beginning!

This week marks the beginning of a marriage study that Mark and I are pursuing with some members of our church community, and I have to say, I am very excited.  I cannot say that we have done a deep marriage study since we have been married, although we have done several smaller, more surface stuff studies in the past.  This study, though, is a bit different.

The book we will be studying is called The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective. A few people I know have already read through the book in the past with rave reviews about its depth, significant, Truth factor, and help in hitting the proverbial nail on the head with what was really going wrong in their marriages. Of course, this is the book on the wife's side of the house, which of course is where I tend to lean =0) The men, though, will be right along side of the women reading through The Exemplary Husband: A Biblical Perspective, which I understand will be just as deep and hit at the heart as the wife's book.

 I am excited, though, because we certainly know for a fact that growth does not come without trials, difficulties, significant effort, and perseverance, and books like these help to provide these circumstances to force the growth forward. I am hoping to blog about the key points in the book that hit or affect me personally, which I hope will bring inspiration, encouragement, and conviction to those who are reading it. But, I more so would LOVE to have other people jump into this study with me and purpose before the Lord to establish a strong marriage that is literally made in Heaven. God does not take marriage lightly, and neither should we, so if you are willing to do the work and join this journey, I would love to walk it with you! Please comment below if you are in it and ready to take a wild ride with God.

A word of caution: As was wisely stated in the first meeting for this study at our church, it is critical throughout this study that the sharing time does not turn into a gossip session (i.e. he said..., he did..., I can't believe..., etc.) We must all be sure to speak about our personal experiences and how things affected us (i.e. we had a fight and after it I felt...) We must be sure as wives to always be seeking ways to uplift and polish our husbands in front of others, as well as in our own minds. This brings honor and glory to God, no matter what the condition of the husband. Make this commitment right now that you will not engage in husband bashing or gossip of any kind. Comments made that violate this condition will promptly be removed.

That being said, please feel free to share what God is awakening in your heart and the things He is revealing to you. It is always amazing when God removes the veil again and teaches us something new. Each of our testimonies help to give glory to God, so I pray that everyone feels safe to share. I look forward to getting to know you better, and reading through your comments.

Who's Burden Is It Anyway?

Last night a friend and I met to discuss the book we are reading, "Large Family Logistics", which is an excellent book for aspiring homemakers for families of all sizes. I came to the gathering with a burdened heart, because I have really been struggling lately to keep a calm and patient demeanor towards the kids when it comes to their morning chores, specifically. I feel like every morning when the kids wake up that I am constantly on them about their timeliness, diligence, and thoroughness, which essentially means I am in drill sergeant mode for about an hour before we have breakfast, which does not really set the stage for a fun and productive school day. When I find myself yelling multiple times in the morning, it is guaranteed to put me in an Eeyore mood (as we like to call it here), and this usually takes me a bit to get out of, not to mention constant talking to God for help.

So, last night I brought my concerns and troubles up to my friend and we discussed helpful ways to get through the problem, determining if I was loading too much responsibility on the kids with their respective chores, which did not seem to be the real issue, or if they did not have enough time to get their chores done, which was again not the real issue. So, as I sat there a bit baffled as to how this situation could be amended, my friend hit the nail on the head. To paraphrase, she essentially told me that it sounded like I needed to help them own their choices and actions more. For instance, if our children were going to school out of the home and they woke up super late, did not move diligently in the morning time, and missed the bus, I could either allow them to miss school for the day and take the absence, have them find their own ride, or pay for the gas I would have to spend to get them to school (obviously this is more applicable for the older child, but I think you get the idea). What this does is separate the parent from the responsibility that should be on the child and puts it back into the child's hands. The important thing for me as the parent is to follow through with the natural consequences of their choices. It was the exact revelation I needed, thank You God!

So, this morning, armed with a new intention and understanding, I read my Bible as the kids woke up and eventually started with their chores. As I heard them become distracted by things, or argue about this or that, I remembered that ultimately their choices did not have to affect the flow of our day, but would only affect the way their days went. With this in mind, I just went along with my bible study and the went along with their chores. And, you know what, they did move forward with things, all be it maybe slower than I would have liked. A bit later, when Lily was slowing down quite a bit and I knew her lack of diligence would affect the family, I let her know that I expected the dishwasher to be emptied (ones of her chores) by x time and if she did not have it done by then she would need to pay me $1 to do her chore for her. She had not been too motivated by seeing the clock and working towards beating the expected time, but this idea of having to pay me really got her action in gear. Needless to say, she got the dishwasher emptied in record time!

The rest of the morning went about the same. I really focused on remembering that their choices are not a reflection of me or my burden, but theirs, so I need to just correct, encourage, and exhort as needed, no emotional attachment needed. It was a much better day than I have had in a while with the kids. They were no better or worse than usual, but I was not so emotionally invested in things, which was really nice. I remember once reading about parents who get too involved personally in their children's school work, projects and such. Like when a father does the volcano project for his children, instead of letting his kid go through the ups and downs of learning the project themselves. It is kind of like that. Except, with homeschooling and life in general, everything is like this, so it is very important for me to remain the teacher of my children, allowing them to learn lessons, even if it means getting the proverbial F once in a while. Is it hard to do? Yes. Does it often mean a bit more work on my part? Yes. But, it is a necessary part of guiding and teaching them to navigating through there time in this world. I am encouraged though. God is strengthening me in this journey and solidifying my resolve to see things through to the end, even when it gets hard.

One of the most significant and importance benefits that I have come to understand about homeschooling is that the kids and I grow together. Yes, we must endure one another's human failings on a daily basis, but we also get to regularly practice humility, repentance, patience (i.e. long-suffering), and self-control. It is the fulfillment of iron sharpening iron, with all the flames and sparks that come with it.

For any other homeschooling family, or Christian parent, I just want to encourage you to keep moving forward in the journey. I'm sure there will be tough days, or even tough seasons, but continue to seek the Lord for guidance and purpose in the fire and He will deliver. Does that mean the trial will be removed? Maybe, but not always. But, it does mean that He will provide the answers needed to make to through the trial. We must always, though, be ready to answer in obedience to His guidance, immediately applying whatever truth He reveal to our hearts. Remain in Him, and He promises to remain in us. Let's keep our eyes on the Lord!

 

Growing with my Children

"...But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd." (Matthew 9:36)

We can learn so much from our children.  And not necessarily in fulfillment of Psalm 8:2 ("...from the mouths of babes...") but more so through the interactions we have with them when we spend time with them as God has ordained.  Deuteronomy 6:6-9 makes it clear that we should be spending a lot of time with our children for the purpose of raising them up to be His disciples, knowledgeable about who He is and all that He has created, but also wise to discern the things that please Him.  Well, I don't know about you, but this idea has been a growing pain for me for many years.  It goes against my nature to spend a lot of time with children, whether or not they are mine, so I have definitely found there to be a learning curve as to what this means and entails.

Although each of our households runs differently, most parents likely face the same kinds of issues with children.  Disobedience, defiance, irreverence, disrespect, lying, stealing, teasing, hitting, etc. and these are also usually in varying degrees of "severity."  Sadly, though, many of us, myself included, have fallen prey to seeking the world's guidance for how to handle these sins (and that is what they are, so let's not mince words) and because of seeking such guidance from outside sources, we are led astray.  We try this one technique for child-rearing only to find it backfire in our face.  So, we switch to another guideline and discover that it too is not really working, or we have a hole where we are not sure how to apply it in a particular situation.  We essentially find ourselves constantly seeking the next great bit of advice, hoping that it will alleviate the problem at hand and bring peace and order to our households (led astray, "like sheep without a shepherd").  Sadly, though, few of us really ever find it, and often when we think we did find it, we see that down the road we experience some lasting consequences to a technique that was really not how God designed the parent/child relationship to occur.

So, I found myself a bit lost and confused.  Feeling defeated, overwhelmed, and taking on this struggle with children that I did not know how to fight.  As I reached out to God in my despair, it became clear to me.  "Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it.  Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it" (Matthew 7:13-14).  The world's methods are broad and ranging, but God's ways are specific and focused, purposeful with long-term vision...I just needed to get myself aligned with His path for bringing up children.

The biggest downside I found with this, though, is that God's way is not easy for me....  I hate to say it, but let's be real, I did not really WANT to "parent" my child.  I really wanted to make the struggles of parenting go away.  I wanted a sinless, perfect, without flaw child.  I know this really opens the truth of my flesh, but I do not deny its presence.  But, determining to do things God's way revealed in me my own sinfulness, which was absolutely exactly where God wanted me to be!  As He spoke to me in His gentle way, long-suffering and full of grace guided by truth, He showed me that parenting is one way that He uses to reveal Himself to us, but also to reveal our nature and sinful ways with Him.  And, in just the same way that He is patient with me in my short-comings, sinfulness, and process of santification, I, too, am to behave in the same way with my children.

Truth be told: there is one difference in this parallel...I am not a perfect God.  I am a fleshly human redeemed by a Savior doing the best I know how to raise the next Godly generation.  How in the world could I truly reflect this parallel to my children?  The answer, of course, was that I am not meant to be God to my kids, but a compass for them to know Him better.  I was to reveal His nature to them as much as possible, even with my failures and short-comings.  The way this translates in our household is that I, too, am growing in my faith and understanding of God even as I teach my children about Him and His ways.  We are growing together, which is the most beautiful thing.  Do I know more then them?  Yes, of course.  Should they treat me with respect and submission?  Absolutely.  But, I should not ever Lord my position of authority over them, and when I fall short of respecting the significance of my position, I am to humble myself before them and seek their forgiveness, just as I do with my Father in Heaven.  What this signifies to them is that Mommy is just like them...sinful and fleshly, broken, and in desperate need of a Savior!  And, it is for this reason that I can be at peace when disciplining them when they sin.  I need not be angry, resentful, frustrated, etc.  When I fail at this, I have another opportunity to humble myself and apologize, and on the circle goes.

The biggest thing, though, that I must remember is that I am learning all of this without a direct example.  I was not raised to disciple my children.  I have to unlearn my cultural upbringing and learn God's Ways.  I am going to stumble through most of this as God's Word teaches me, but over time I will get better and I will learn His ways.  God is eager to teach all of us His methods for raising children.  If He pleases to reveal the why for His ways, we will grow even more.  But, we should not be ashamed of or afraid to grow alongside our children.  None of us have "arrived" on this side of Heaven.  And, remembering our eternal destination and ultimate source of Truth will keep us on the right path.

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge,
But fools despise wisdom and instruction."  (Proverbs 1:7)