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Tuesday, June 7, 2011

You'll get it eventually...

I don't know about other homeschooling moms, but I certainly feel less than adequate more often than not.  Oddly, it seems that majority of people I talk to assume that because I have chosen to homeschool I must have "the patience of a saint" or super-human abilities to keep peace and order.  If you have ever been to my house or spent time with my family, you will know that neither of these are true...at all!  I have yet to achieve the level of patience that I wholly desire, and our house is nowhere near the peaceful, orderly place that I envision it to become, but I work hard to remember that "he who has begun a good work in you will carry it onto completion until the day of Jesus Christ" (Philippians 1:6).

There are many good works that are being worked out in our household.  One is the actual academics part of homeschooling.  Every day both my kids and I must learn to submit to God instead of self in keeping this household functioning well.  We all must learn to deal with our own bad attitudes, as well as the bad attitude of someone around us.  We must learn to share our time and our possessions.  We must learn to work diligently and with a good attitude in all things, no matter how unpleasant it is.  We must learn to be humble when we mess up or sin against another, repenting of our poor choices and persistently working to change them in ourselves.  We must remain in step with the bible's guidelines for living if we are to stay on path of goodness, and in lieu of this often accept course corrections when we make a wrong turn.  We must practice the focus of removing our own planks instead of always seeing the speck in someone else's eye.  And, we daily get ample practice to learn the action of love (see 1 Corinthians 13:4-8).  God has been great (when I finally call out to Him for help instead of trying to figure it out for myself) to help remind me of the fact that change and learning take time.  He helped me to see that even though I am not 100% successful with my emotional control, etc, that He is always encouraging me, telling me, "You'll get there, just keep working on it."  And this is something I can say to my children, no matter what mess they have created for themselves.  "Kiddo, you'll get there!  Just keep working on it!"

I wish I could say that I am a shining example of all of these things for my children, but I would be lying if I did.  The reality is, I am learning so many of these lessons right alongside of them.  Having to face these inner challenges every single day instead of escaping them really makes me utterly aware of my brokenness and weak areas.  But, I am hopeful that after 20+ years of this journey, I will come out the other end a more mature and experienced Christian, which is the best gift I could receive from it all.  This journey is not easy, of course, but it is so worth it.

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